My wife has (repeatedly) brought to my attention the following two facts:
- Of the 135+ posts on this blog, none is about cats (I guess that this complex transformation post doesn’t really count).
- This blog is on the internet.
A glaring omission if ever there was one, and not one easily forgiven. So today I’d like to continue the time-honored ancient-Egyptian tradition of blogging about your cat.
Here is Theodore.
He is named after Constantin Caratheodory, a Greek mathematician with several important theorems in analysis. “Theodore” means “gift of god” in Greek, but we usually call him “The cat”, “Godcat”, or “Damageson”, for reasons that will soon be made apparent. He is a very mathematical cat.
Theodore’s origins are as mysterious as his capacity to destroy furniture, plants, and glassware. My wife found him as a kitten, half-blind with herpes, in the cold, on the verge of expiration. We had no choice but to take him in. His official breed is “garbage cat”. Although now a sizeable menace, he started out quite small.
Like all cats, Theodore is full of contradictions. On the one hand, he likes to dig his claws as deep as possible into living flesh, especially if it’s by surprise. On the other hand, he likes to cuddle on warm, fuzzy things. Transition between one state to the other is, as far as the physicists can tell, instantaneous.
Theodore is a scholar, and has written many books. In particular, he is an expert on the theory of matter. Here is an excerpt from his writings:
“All things in the world are divided into two categories: Things that fall, and things that do not. Of the things that fall, little needs to be said; their natural state is on the floor, and I must do all that I can to bring them there. Of things which do not fall, I must admit I know very little; for if I try hard enough, every object eventually falls.”
Theodore’s favorite TV show is “Buffy the vampire slayer”. His motto is “From beneath you, it devours”, and he lives by it every day. A common pastime is to sneak under the bed and snipe the heads of unsuspecting sleepers through the bedframe.
As is commonly known, cats occupy a separate state of matter, sitting snugly between “liquid” and “solid”. They quickly alter their shape to suit their needs, especially with regard to sleep. Indeed, after a hearty session of Ninja Warrior Cat, he likes to flaunt his napping yoga technique.
They say that when you feed a dog, he thinks “The human gives me food; he must be a god”, and when you feed a cat, he thinks “The human gives me food; I must be a god”. I am sure that Theodore doesn’t think any of this. He is too busy plotting, and searching for more things to destroy.
My wife says that I’m a cat person. I don’t know about that. But I will admit, even this diabolical demigorgon has his cute moments.