Search for Missing Sock Continues

LOS ANGELES, CA – Additional law enforcement personnel have arrived today to assist in the search for a missing two year old sock, who was last seen in the washing machine on Thursday. Moore Launder of the FBI said that currently 10% of all available workforce is dedicated to the case of Jeff the Sock, but no progress has been made since Jeff initially disappeared.
Jeff, a two year old sock, is described as a white, Caucasian male, made of 90% synthetic fiber, and 10% real cotton. His most prominent features are a black band across his head, and a small hole near the left toe.
The disappearance came as a surprise to everyone, especially to Jeff’s spouse, Sarah. “We’ve been together ever since I can remember, ever since we were taken out of our plastic bag”, she recalled to the reporters. “We never had any trouble. We would always pick lint from each other’s backs, and spend romantic evenings planning the perfect shoe together… I… I can’t believe he’s gone!” With this emotional statement, Sarah withdrew in tears and we could not gather any further statements from her.
Jeff’s disappearance is indeed shocking, for he started out his day just like any other. Sources claim that he woke up in the morning, as usual, went out of the drawer, and onto his owner’s foot. He was then placed in a roomy leather shoe, in which he stayed most of his working hours. All of this activity was done together with his wife. When he was finished, he was put in the laundry basket, and then taken to the washing machine, a process which he undergoes every workday. However, when the rinse cycle ended, he was nowhere to be seen. No matter how much authorities searched, he could not be found in the washing machine.
Jeff had no enemies, and was generally a well loved sock. He had no debts, he loved his wife, and thus had no reason to escape or disappear on his own appeal. The police therefore think that a criminal abduction has taken place. “Aye, I do believe he was socknapped”, says police chief Charles Woven. “Although it may have been just a sad coincidence, I do not negate the possibility that George the Sandal had something to do with it. He despises socks, for some reason. If that’s the case, I pray to God that he was not abused.”
This tragedy is not the first time that a loved one is lost in the washing machine area. Just these past six months, more than thirty socks have gone missing, as well as over ten dollars worth of quarters and dimes, and a paper slip containing the phone number of this really cute girl someone happened to meet at the club.

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